Forget All the Artisanal Fromage: France's Crisps Represent Utterly Decadent.
This past Christmas, I spent time in France, a place that seemed exuding refined charm. Discreet, sparkling decorations, village market booths stacked with beautifully vibrant produce, and such an abundance of fromage that could line every mile of the Chunnel with cholesterol. Piled platters of lustrous seafood on ice visible behind steamy café panes. While observing a long but orderly line of stylish locals collecting their artisanal *Bûche de Noël*, I thought, disloyally, that my native city, York, which becomes a modern reimagining of a scene of decadence during the festive season featuring e-cigarettes tasting of mincemeat and pre-mixed cocktails, could learn several tips.
The Elegant Facade
Yet every bit of “art de vivre” affectation is just an elegant facade – France succumbs just as easily to its basest appetites as the rest of us. Merely enter any grocery store and the truth is revealed. The potato chip section is an absolute sink of depravity, stacked with flavours including *bleu d'Auvergne*, falafel, *carbonade flamande* and *beurre salé* profiles. Who in their right mind tries butter crisps? It brings to mind a product found at those infamous American fairs where they fry solid butter in batter. A certain comedian recently claimed they are the ultimate chip in her experience, but she’s obviously succumbed to some kind of regional conditioning – after all, her childhood was in that very region.
A Global Lawlessness
It is widely understood the crisp flavouring industry internationally operates with as few rules as major tech firms. There is a refusal to let potato be potato, enhanced only as necessary with just a dignified dusting of salt. The UK boasts a dark history regarding chip varieties on British soil, especially at this time of year. Not long ago, let us not forget, bestowed upon us gingerbread Doritos and exclusive steak-and-pâté flavoured chips. Let us also recall that time a major retailer deemed “prosecco and winter berry” made for a good idea in a salty crisp? I expected more from the nation of culinary masters.
Where does it end? Foie gras crisps? Choux pastry flavour? Cigarette-tasting crisps? I must cease, before I accidentally suggest the next big thing.
