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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and writers stay alert of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to discover that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college to access the restrooms in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “Subsequently he wandered round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team after a brief chat within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|